You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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