hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
