your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
