you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
