note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
