I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
