its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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