Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
