Someone shit on the floor
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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