I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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