If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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