can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
