No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
