in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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