so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
