I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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