Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize