Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
