If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
