he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
