I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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