dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
