she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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