My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
