Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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