I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize