I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
