Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
