stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
