Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
