Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
