I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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