i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
