Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
