there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
