you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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