Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
