I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
