If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
