Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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