I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
