Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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