i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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