I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize