he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
