I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
send nudes
from the living room?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
