theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
