I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
