**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
