what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
