It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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