ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
