I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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