3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
