Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
