just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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