1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize