Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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