Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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