no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
