Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
