In the future we'll all be gay
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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