O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
