dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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