My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
