so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
