I faked an abortion last night.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
