If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
