discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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