i think my tv is drunk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
